The time I went on a safari in Africa, you ask?
Well, let me explain... First off, its bloody hot there. Like, unnaturally hot, as in so hot you want to strip naked then jump in a big pile of snow and role around in mad fanatic glee, giggling when it starts to tickle. But of course, that would be unacceptable when in and amongst others in a tour as it would probably have the same effect as an animatronic hippo giving birth to Jim Carrey. Which would be really weird.
Then there's the scenery and good god, it’s hardly an improvement! You have mile after mile after Jesus forsaken mile of dried up, ugly brown grass with the occasional mud hole right splat in some random location. Its as if they thought Bill Gates would actually make a decent landscaper. Which is a stupid assumption, if you ask me. The sterile twerp.
And as if this wasn’t enough, the smell absolutely sucks too! There’s the dung of ten gazillion animals that’s built up for who knows how many million trillion years with no one to clean it up like in the zoos. You name a spot, its there; on the ground, in the trees, drifting around in the water like your fat old lazy uncle and practically floating in the skies ‘cause of all the birds flying around making hideous noises and pooping on unlucky safari people.
However, the animals make the whole kerfuffle worth it, even despite the grass that looks like malformed chop sticks and the excrement that somehow ends up inside your socks. You have the zebras, prancing around looking like cute show ponies; the graceful and menacing lions, all muscled and looking ten times more dangerous than best WWF dude. There’s the flamingos (most of which are beautiful in their pink state) who prove that sometimes you are what you eat; and don’t forget the elephants, the gentle giants who make not a sound with their feet as they lumber around the savannas.
One parting tip, though - I’d highly advise that you steer clear of any safari taking place during the mating season. Those hippos and alligators... Ugh, I think I’m scared for life.
- End
Well, let me explain... First off, its bloody hot there. Like, unnaturally hot, as in so hot you want to strip naked then jump in a big pile of snow and role around in mad fanatic glee, giggling when it starts to tickle. But of course, that would be unacceptable when in and amongst others in a tour as it would probably have the same effect as an animatronic hippo giving birth to Jim Carrey. Which would be really weird.
Then there's the scenery and good god, it’s hardly an improvement! You have mile after mile after Jesus forsaken mile of dried up, ugly brown grass with the occasional mud hole right splat in some random location. Its as if they thought Bill Gates would actually make a decent landscaper. Which is a stupid assumption, if you ask me. The sterile twerp.
And as if this wasn’t enough, the smell absolutely sucks too! There’s the dung of ten gazillion animals that’s built up for who knows how many million trillion years with no one to clean it up like in the zoos. You name a spot, its there; on the ground, in the trees, drifting around in the water like your fat old lazy uncle and practically floating in the skies ‘cause of all the birds flying around making hideous noises and pooping on unlucky safari people.
However, the animals make the whole kerfuffle worth it, even despite the grass that looks like malformed chop sticks and the excrement that somehow ends up inside your socks. You have the zebras, prancing around looking like cute show ponies; the graceful and menacing lions, all muscled and looking ten times more dangerous than best WWF dude. There’s the flamingos (most of which are beautiful in their pink state) who prove that sometimes you are what you eat; and don’t forget the elephants, the gentle giants who make not a sound with their feet as they lumber around the savannas.
One parting tip, though - I’d highly advise that you steer clear of any safari taking place during the mating season. Those hippos and alligators... Ugh, I think I’m scared for life.
- End
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